Why? This is the question Jordan wants answered. Why did this happen to me? Why can’t I try out for the football team next year? Why can’t I ride my skateboard? Why can’t I go on roller coasters? Why do I have to stay at home and limit what I do? Why, Why, Why?
I know there is so much more to life than this but for a fourteen-year-old boy who was always active, there really isn’t. My love for all of my children cannot be explained. It runs deeper than any ocean and grows exponentially by the minute. It is a love that no one can possibly imagine unless they experience parenthood as well. Now I am having to try and explain the answers to Jordan and with each answer I try to deliver, the pain in my heart grows. I know things could have been much worse and I thank G_D every day for that but I am struggling with the words that will comfort him.
As an adult, I am still trying to process the events that have led me to today and I cannot imagine how hard that must be for Jordan. I am trying to live in the now but at times, the now seems far away. I am trying not to think about all the “what ifs” related to Jordan’s injury but this is a tall order. I am trying to smile as much as possible but at times, faking a smile is painful. #Jordanstrong became a movement but there is so much more to that hashtag.
Jordan’s road to recovery is dark and unknown yet he stills wears a smile as much as he can. His physical injuries are severe and the future is a mystery. Yet he stills wears a smile. But what scares me equally are the emotional scars that have been coming to the surface. Anger, fear, resentment, denial…to name just a few. And yet, with all that, Jordan still just wants to be a fourteen-year-old boy – to play with his friends and have fun. But due to one despicable and cowardly act that happened two weeks ago, he can’t.
I know we will find a balance and make life work (because we are all #jordanstrong) and I know the future will always remain a mystery; I just wish I could heal his heart and make his emotional scars disappear. I love you Jordan -from the moment you were handed to me in the hospital, my love has never stopped growing. I am so sorry that someone hurt you and I wasn’t there to protect you but I promise you that I will NEVER stop fighting for you. I will not stop fighting to make things right. I will never stop being #jordanstrong
Sincerely, Jordan’s Dad